I don’t remember exactly why I started doing it. I was just an 8-year-old at the time, where there really wasn’t much logic to anything I did. I can tell you that I single-handedly caused one of the greatest single-season turnarounds in professional sports history.
It all began in my parents’ basement where a row of pipes lining our ceiling was just in my reach as I watched his favorite NBA basketball team on TV. I started swinging on those pipes during games, and the rest is history. In one year post-swinging The Brooklyn Nets, went from a floundering mess of incompetence, to doubling their win total and making their first NBA Finals appearance.
Coincidence? I think not. For all those aspiring sports fans out there, here are 5 ways to keep your team in the game—because it’s not considered crazy if it works.
1. In Socks We Trust
There will come a time even if it takes 108 years (cough, Cubs), when your sports team may actually play a game that matters. For this one moment, you need to bring your sports fan “A” game. YOU CANNOT MESS THIS UP. This is the time to bring out old faithful, the most consistent good luck charm(s) you’ve had throughout the years. I recommend a necklace, a team jersey—or even a pair of toe socks.
2. The Back-up Snack
The first rule about snacks are they are never for hunger. They are for eating at the exact right time, in the exact right way, to power your team to victory. Don’t underestimate the power of The Snack Butterfly Effect. If you drop a cheese cracker, you might have just caused your team to drop a game-winning pass. In my opinion, to pace your game-day snack mojo, choose a snack that doesn’t have to be eaten all at once. Mozzarella sticks or chicken wings are my go-to-favorites—or you can try breakfast on a stick.
3. The Distracter Subtracter
If you think meditating is tough, try being a sport fan. That mental fortitude is no joke—after all, how else can you literally will your team to win? Your phone, with its constant buzzing updates, can really distract you from your team. In case you need to focus (or make your so-called sports fan friend focus), try putting your distractions in this safe. Just, you know, try not to forgot that combination.
4. Ready, Set, Recharge
Being a great sports fan is all about the little things—especially that little remote neglected in the corner of the room. Trust me, it holds a lot more power than you might think. What if your team does better when you change stations during commercials? Or if you turn the sound off. Or all the way up? What if your team only does well when you sit in that exact same spot on your couch, while you watch Animal Planet during commercials, and the volume is 2/3 up? With this remote, you never need to fear running out of battery.
5. The Secret Weapon
Sometimes you can do everything right (like taking two 10 minutes showers 1 hour apart before the game, not weird), but everything for your team is still going very wrong. A normal person would give up. But you’re not a normal person—you’re a sports fan. So always come prepared with your last ditch effort to change your team’s fortune when all seems loss. My recommendations? Stand up balancing on one leg, do a hand stand, promise to shave your entire head with a razor, or propose to your significant other with the infallible logic that if you can surprise everyone by proposing perhaps your team will then surprise you by winning the game.