I’m not here to tell anyone not to go stand in line outside of a [insert store here] at 3:30 in the morning with your mom and Aunt Linda as they alternate between criticizing all the dishes they didn’t make for Thanksgiving dinner and calculating how many people ahead of them might be waiting for the exact same Nespresso machine they are and what their odds might be of securing the $45 deal on what you know is probably available at about that price online anyway.
Guys. It’s 2017. There’s no reason you have to stand in the cold and fight with other desperate parents for a damn Hatchimal. So this year, when your mom calls you at 3 am to go to the mall, offer up this alternative: How about we all stay at home and be as comfortable as possible and start fights with other consumers the new-fashioned way: passive-aggressively, on the Internet, from the comfort of our La-Z-Boys.
Here are six ways to have the most comfy digital Black Friday ever in history. Let’s call it Fluffy Friday, cuz it’s so coze coze.
Set the mood
Ever since a Subway napkin blew into a candle and lit my couch on fire, I’m obsessed with these wax warmers. You shouldn’t leave them on unattended but when you do they don’t usually require to you call the fire department to come throw your new sofa off the back deck so it can finish smoldering on the landlord’s freshly mowed lawn. Plus, they come in tons of different scents, and I get pretty psyched about swapping in fall and holiday aromas. It makes me giddy for the season.
Soak your tootsies
Get a footbath or just plunk them in a tub of warm water with some of this stuff. When you’re ready to take a break from online deal-getting, you can give yourself a nice pedicure. (This is officially the extreme opposite of IRL Black Friday, btw.)
You probably know by now that face masks don’t require you to slather a bunch of goop on your face. These facial masks are super easy to apply and clean up. Rehydrate your skin while you compare 4D TV prices.
Get warm — with your pet
Obviously, a cozy blanket is a no-duh for Fluffy Friday, but here’s the actually important thing: ensuring your animal is very close to you the entire day. Know who you can’t bring to Black Friday? Your cat. Know who you can bring to Fluffy Friday? YOUR CAT. Get this heated bed for your little meow meow (or pupper) — my cat, Stephen, is practically glued to this thing. I plug it in right next to me so I can pat his head anytime I want to. And when I do, he makes a little noise like “grumble grumble.” OMG. Kills me. OK, back to cruising hot dealz on Chromecasts.
I know not everyone drinks. If you’re a teetotaler, skip this one (or substitute other beloved beverages). If you partake, a hot toddy is essential for Fluffy Friday IMHO. It’s warm. It’s lemony. It gives you that happy buzz. Here’s a mug to put it in to let people know you’re very effing serious about this.
There’s something so weirdly alluring about letting “Parks and Recreation” roll as you mess around online, tuning in whenever you feel like it. This is perfect for Fluffy Friday. Throw on “The Office,” “Breaking Bad,” or “30 Rock” and start shopping here!
Take a sneak peak at the deals you’ll be able to grab on Black Friday!