The taste test you've been waiting for.

One time, and I swear this is true, I took a vitamin on my way to work.

Oh, big deal, right? Well, if that vitamin hadn’t made me throw up on myself and my car while driving on the highway, and if I hadn’t had to pull off and wash my hands and shirt in a McDonald’s bathroom, and if I hadn’t had to dry that shirt under one of the hand dryers you have to keep hitting the button to operate, then yeah — maybe it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal.

MY POINT IS that I have a troubled history with vitamins and haven’t taken them since the great Car-Puke Incident of 2009. However, this old chunk of coal isn’t getting any younger and suddenly I’ve become a little obsessed with whether my body is getting what it needs. I’m trying not to look 480 by the time I’m 37.

Enter: New Year’s resolutions and the sudden ubiquity of gummy vitamins. Gummies are easier on the tummy, and you can get them in a variety of specific concentrations by vitamin, or ailment, or organ. So I evaluated this aging life vessel and decided to start supplementing.

Vitafusion

For my hair, skin, and nails

We’re only like six weeks into winter and already my hair is as dry as my elbows, my nails are wincingly brittle, my rosacea is ON FLEEK. So I grabbed this gummy vitamin, which is an infusion of antioxidants (good for the skin!), vitamin C (aids production of keratin), and biotin (fabulous for your hair).

And I have to admit, my rosacea has been calmer, a huge relief. And the gummies are a not-unpleasant raspberry flavor. I wouldn’t say I want to throw them into a mixed drink, but they’re tasty enough to not be a bother to the stomach.

Goodbye stress vitamin

For stress

I’ve been stressing about stress lately. Do you have any idea how bad it is for you to stress out? IT’S BAD. Your blood pressure spikes and your heart rate loses it and your cortisol floods, and just all kinds of nasty things happen.

I picked up this Goodbye Stress supplement, which contains gaba (which chills out your neurotransmitters), L-theanine (an amino acid that works with gaba), and lemon balm (for soothing the mind). This gummy is by far the yummiest of the bunch. The “berry verbena” flavor was so good I wish I could just bring them to the movies and throw down. As for stress relief, I did feel calmer, but my skeptical brain wonders if that might be a (delicious) placebo effect. Still, I felt myself worrying less about how much I was stressing out.

Energy gummies

For energy

I replaced my afternoon cup of coffee with this all-natural blend of guarana seed, kola nut and green tea extract and I have to say I didn’t miss my drip caffeine a bit. These watermelon-flavored vitamins (which tasted OK but left me with watermelony burbs, TBH) helped me feel focused, not anxious, and I noticed I felt a little sleepier a little earlier in the evening, which I was grateful for. I’m thinking maybe I was more sensitive to the caffeine in that afternoon joe than I had thought. And while these supplements do contain naturally occurring caffeine, I didn’t find it disruptive or anxiety-inducing.

Smartypants

For digestion

I’m sorry to be this person, but do not come at me with kombucha. That mushroom-mold fizz drink is the smelly stuff of nightmares to me. As much I wish I were down with fermentation (in this form), I just … can’t.

AND SO I was grateful for these gummy probiotics. I know how essential gut health is, and these strawberry chewables were a much more pleasant way to get things balanced out in there. Plus, this brand is vegan and non-GMO, and 100% SCOBY-free (if that’s your preference).

All in all, I’m feeling better, healthier, calmer, and more focused. Maybe 2018 won’t be a garbage year after all.

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