Avocados are like gold. And so are you.

On Sunday night, I found myself in a few situations that I never thought I would find myself in. I accidentally ordered too many avocados in my weekly grocery delivery, and I had just finished a binging marathon of The People vs. OJ, leaving me with nothing to watch. I also had the apartment all to myself. Now in normal circumstances, there is literally no such thing as too many avocados, but I had spent the day eating chips and guac and drinking frozen margs with a friend, and the avocados looked on the verge of turning that inedible brown where you think about eating it but know you shouldn’t. So you throw them away and cry because AVOCADOS ARE LIKE GOLD NOW.

Then I remembered the last time I had a facial, the dewiest, blondest angel baby facialist told me that avocado is good for oily skin. Which I have. Her own skin was as smooth as a moonstone, but I had politely demurred at purchasing her $80 product recommendation. I did some light Googling about avocado beauty treatments, and decided to concoct something based on any beauty knowledge I had, slather it all over my face and other parts, and report back. Here are my findings. 

Avocado Banana Face Mask

I first cut my avocado in half, dodging minor depitting fears because I once stabbed myself almost clear through the hand. I scooped out the avocado and put it in a bowl. I then mashed it with a fork. Then I added half a ripe banana and an egg yolk, then scrambled that baby like I was making an omelet. Rubbed it on my face, then…waited about 20 minutes.

Verdict: The mask was sort of messy and hard to keep on, but the egg definitely helped it harden a little. My cat did keep trying to lick my face…all in all though, my skin was super soft and smooth.

Avocado Honey Hair Mask

Once my face was nice and smooth (I did these in tandem because I am bad at multitasking), I took the other avo half and put it in another bowl, mashed with a fork. Then I added a glug of olive oil, a tablespoon of honey, and some almond oil. I used a hair tint brush to apply to sections of my hair, then kind of just smushed it around so it seemed even. Waited 30 minutes, then washed it out.

Verdict: USE A SHOWER CAP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I didn’t have one on hand, and I just kind of couldn’t move for a half hour. A shower cap will also hold any heat in, and permeate your hair pores, resulting in softer hair. That said, when I did wash my hair, it felt lovely, and smelled nice.

Lip Scrub 

I took the hair mask and added some brown sugar to it. Then exfoliated my lips. It tasted great.

Verdict: Honestly, I think I just ate it.

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